On January 27, 2011 Eric Merkley was diagnosed with osteosarcoma. An aggressive cancer that we hope and the doctors to this point seem confident that is contained to one spot on his leg. Prognosis is good. Treatments and recovery will be long and painful.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

You don't count the cost

Last night I had the opportunity to snuggle up to my honey for a couple of hours as we listened to Billy Dean in concert in Sandy. This song "You don't count the cost" I have always loved, but has taken on a new meaning... so if you will allow me a mom moment...
It is very common on the oncology floor to run into moms and hear their stories of what their little (sometimes big) ones are going through and I have heard many times that "Man at least we don't have it as bad as you." (Funny thing is I think the same way about them.) Each story just tears at your heart but you will always find a mom that will stand by their little one, regardless of the cost. We have truly felt blessed and I know in my heart that all will be well in a few more weeks, where Eric will be able to go on with his life and forget this year. I know you are thinking that he will never be able to forget with a consent reminder, but he will forget the pain, the lessons learned will stay with him forever. I have said many times times that "I don't know what Heavenly Father has planned for him, but it will be fun to watch." Doors are already starting to open for him, that would have never been opened if he was not forced to go through these lessons.
The lessons learned here have not only been for him, but for our family. You have heard me moan through this process, because my heart has felt like it has been torn out of my chest watching him suffer. But the many times that we have had together, the talks and the belly laughs that have left us both in tears and me about peeing my pants will always be cherished.

I have been told since the beginning from friends of all religions that "God does not give us more than we can handle." I have heard this my whole life and I have believed it until January.... Todd wlll attest to the many tearful breakdowns I have had, that I did not feel strong enough to watch Eric go through this. The conversations always ended with Todd being the sound of reason and it also helped to have him by my side to keep me standing up and filling in all the gaps that I was unable to fill, rather emotionally, at home or at the theater.

A friend of the family for many years called shortly after she read the article about Eric in the newspaper and told me that Heavenly Father knows and understands what we need to go through to make us stronger to handle even tougher obstacles in our paths down the line, because he can see the "big" picture. (Funny that is exactly what my Patriarchal blessing says about my life) That some of our biggest trials will be the greatest tender mercies from our Heavenly Father, as we look back. I truly believe this. I also believe that if Eric would have gotten this tumor when most kids do between the age of 9-13 (it still happens in older kids, like Eric) I don't think I could have handled it with all the other drama going on in my life. That drama has opened the door to having the most amazing guy come into my life and helped me to be stronger, more confident, more relaxed and he has taught me to have fun. This dear friend pointed out what life would have been like, if I had not been through that "Prior trial" and was living as status quo. A shiver litterly ran through me. Timing is everything and Heavenly Father is very aware of us and loves us so much, that he will wait until we are ready. This cancer has been a huge lesson for our whole family, not just Eric. I also know that it has touched a lot of lives around us. I can tell by the tears in many of your eyes as you have asked how he was doing. All in all when it comes down to it, you cherish those wonderful moments and you don't count the cost.


  1. Thanks for writing about this! Your family and Eric are an inspiration to all who know you. It helps the rest of us put things in perspective when we see what you are going through. Good luck! There are many people around you who love and pray for you!

  2. Wow, Kris. You are AMAZING. Thank you for putting it all into perspective, you are truly an inspiration, as is Eric and so many of us are in awe about how you have handled this situation, with dignity, love and faith. You're right, you will never be given more than you can bare, and who knows what this experience is preparing you all for. You continue to be in our hearts and prayers!
    The Chisholm fam